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Dealing With Your Own Anger

By: cdmohatta

Anger is not a very enjoyable emotion and it can cause many problems. We often feel helpless in our anger, but there are some simple techniques we can learn to help us reduce or eliminate our anger and direct it in more healthy ways.

Anger often is born out of a build up of stress, so the first thing you can do is learn relaxation techniques that you can use when you are feeling stressed. One technique is simply taking a break and breathing deeply and letting go of the tension held in your body.

It is our exaggerated and dramatic way of thinking that makes our anger escalate, so it is important to start breaking the habit of this distorted way of thinking. When we are angry, we might be imagining that people are deliberately trying to hurt us or that we are powerless or that things beyond our control matters more than it actually does.

Control issues especially come up with anger. We need to learn that we can’t control others but also that we don’t need to control others to be happy and safe. We only need to be able to direct our own thoughts and behavior, and more consciously choose to take positive things from situations and life.

Blame is another issue that comes up frequently with anger. Blame is very dis-empowering, and it is sometimes sneaks its way into our psyche in disguise. Make a conscious decision to let go of blame just as you would let go of holding onto something that burns you.

Expression is the last key to managing your anger. Trying to suppress anger you feel only makes it fester until it boils over or causes damage to you. Anger often can be unraveled by using the techniques just mentioned, but when it can’t, it is important to express it in ways that do not harm you or others. Sometimes it is enough to communicate to someone, "I am angry because I feel like..." At other times it is not helpful or possible to talk to the person with whom you are feeling anger. General anger can also be expressed in painting (even if you are not an artist), in poetry or music, in a journal, or some other safe manner. Just be careful that when you are expressing your anger, you are letting go of it and not increasing your anger. Managing anger should always make you feel more empowered.

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